1
Delving deeper into a devilish shadow.
Posted by Dan. Ee.
on
12:43 AM
I am sure we had our times when we literally danced with the devil itself. It terms of dancing, I mean as if in committing unspeakable acts that even the mind refuses to believe it.
The devil was literally in my soul tonight, when I seriously did it.
I wished it was murder, or even the befouling of some sanctified place or entity. I truly have sunk deep. Deep indeed to the depths where I could even barely see my own hands.
The feeling after you committed it.. it consumes you like a blazing inferno, engulfing your literal being, leaving you naked towards the harsh, realistic truth of the matter.
I did it.
But where was my mind when I committed it?
It wasn't there.
It was replaced by a darker, more twisted and crazier replica of my lateral thoughts; it completely substituted me for the time I was covered by awful sin.
It is scary when I think about it. It was barely moments ago.
But the guilt, grips me like a vise, torturing me with its painful needles into the very hem of my soul, and the sound of accusation rang loud, reverberating in a jarring endless screech.
It hasn't stopped. Even as I write.
I wouldn't think, what was I thinking then?
Because I have thought that a plenty times, and it didn't stop me from doing it again. And again. And again.
These vile doings of mine. Will ever it be forgiven?
Honestly, even I can't look at myself the same way again.
Funny how desperation of the matter leads you to do very inhumane acts.
I beg for forgiveness once again, from the Lord who is merciful. Cleanse me with thy blood, and make me clean and sanctified from all things evil.
I pray to you, make me strong, give me the strength to combat these unholy desires. I am sick of it all. I want.. to be free.
I want to be normal again..
I want to be... a regular person..
The devil was literally in my soul tonight, when I seriously did it.
I wished it was murder, or even the befouling of some sanctified place or entity. I truly have sunk deep. Deep indeed to the depths where I could even barely see my own hands.
The feeling after you committed it.. it consumes you like a blazing inferno, engulfing your literal being, leaving you naked towards the harsh, realistic truth of the matter.
I did it.
But where was my mind when I committed it?
It wasn't there.
It was replaced by a darker, more twisted and crazier replica of my lateral thoughts; it completely substituted me for the time I was covered by awful sin.
It is scary when I think about it. It was barely moments ago.
But the guilt, grips me like a vise, torturing me with its painful needles into the very hem of my soul, and the sound of accusation rang loud, reverberating in a jarring endless screech.
It hasn't stopped. Even as I write.
I wouldn't think, what was I thinking then?
Because I have thought that a plenty times, and it didn't stop me from doing it again. And again. And again.
These vile doings of mine. Will ever it be forgiven?
Honestly, even I can't look at myself the same way again.
Funny how desperation of the matter leads you to do very inhumane acts.
I beg for forgiveness once again, from the Lord who is merciful. Cleanse me with thy blood, and make me clean and sanctified from all things evil.
I pray to you, make me strong, give me the strength to combat these unholy desires. I am sick of it all. I want.. to be free.
I want to be normal again..
I want to be... a regular person..
